We’ve all been there—someone is chewing loudly, talking with their mouth full, or being a little too blunt in a conversation. You might wonder, “Should I say something?” It’s actually a trick question because you usually shouldn’t mention it. Addressing bad etiquette requires tact, kindness, and, in most cases, a decision to let it go. Here’s how to handle these tricky situations with kindness and elegance.
Trick Question: Should You Say Something?
It’s typically considered bad etiquette to point out someone else’s bad etiquette! If you do want to consider bringing it up, the first thing to ask yourself is whether mentioning the bad habit will truly help the person or just make things awkward. Avoid embarrassing them or gossiping about their habit with others. The goal is to be helpful, not hurtful.
However, in most situations, pointing out bad manners is unnecessary and could even lead to resentment. Most people don’t appreciate being told they’re doing something wrong. It’s often better to hold back and focus on the people you are with, not their etiquette. Sometimes, the best way to handle bad etiquette is to ignore it. The truth is, people don’t change their behavior unless they want to. If their habit isn’t harming anyone, ask yourself why it bothers you so much. Often, it’s more about personal pet peeves than an actual issue. Instead of focusing on what they’re doing wrong, try redirecting your attention. Leave the room if needed, shift your focus elsewhere, or find something positive about the person to appreciate.
When Bad Etiquette Becomes a Bigger Problem
If the behavior is disruptive—like talking over people in meetings, being rude to service staff, or constantly interrupting conversations—it may need to be addressed. In these cases, follow a respectful approach. If you’re close to the person, you might gently bring it up. But if it’s a coworker or acquaintance, it’s best to lead by example and show good etiquette yourself.
The Exceptions
In more specific situations, it is appropriate to mention it. If the person asked for your feedback and help in this area, you are a supervisor, colleague or patron with a vested interest in this person’s image and success, or you are a parent, teacher, mentor or coach of this person. Of course, you must also be able to convey the message discreetly in an encouraging and helpful way that minimizes embarrassment.
Exceptions also apply if you are a host. It wouldn’t be appropriate for a host to correct a guest for using the wrong fork, but it would be absolutely appropriate and necessary to intervene if a guest is being rude to another guest.
FAQ About Bad Manners
1. Should I correct someone’s bad manners in public?
No, correcting someone publicly is likely to embarrass them. If you must address it, do so privately and with kindness. Often, we’re bothered by habits because of personal preferences. Instead of focusing on others, practice patience and redirect your attention.
2. What if someone’s bad etiquette is affecting others?
If their behavior is disruptive, address it respectfully. If it’s a workplace issue, a manager might be the best person to handle it.
3. Are there times when it’s okay to point out bad etiquette?
Yes, when teaching children, guiding employees, or if the habit is offensive or harmful, it may be appropriate to address it kindly.
4. How can I encourage better etiquette without being rude?
Lead by example! Practicing good manners yourself sets the tone for those around you. People are more likely to change by observing respectful behavior than being called out.
Final Thoughts
Navigating bad etiquette can be tricky, but the best approach is usually to be kind, respectful, and—when in doubt—not mention it. A little patience and understanding go a long way in keeping interactions positive and stress-free. Because etiquette is about kindness and not criticism, it’s generally best to not mention it. Unless you believe the feedback is welcome and can share it in an empowering—and ideally private—way, it’s often better to keep feedback to yourself.
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Alison